Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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