Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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