This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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