when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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