drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
