tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
