I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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