Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
