took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
