I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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