you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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