I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
