I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
