Soap is not a condiment
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
