I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
