everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
