So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
