you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
