Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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