The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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