I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
