i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
