He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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