the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
