but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
