dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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