Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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