I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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