I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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