grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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