Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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