I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
