Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
