I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
