Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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