Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
