hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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