just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
