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My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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