That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
