i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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