So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
