some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
