I need help removing her.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
