remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
