if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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