You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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