I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
