If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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