Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
