When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
