His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
