You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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