someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to cum in my sink.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
