Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i think i just lost a toe
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
