she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
