You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
