break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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