I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
soo... how was my night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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