Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
