Sry I called you an 8
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
