I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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