Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
