We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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