you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
