but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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