I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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