There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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