I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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