Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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