I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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