Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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