You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
