it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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